Kelso, Johnston, Curtis & Matthews:
Dr. Poo Knees Ahoy!

12" LP or cassette, December 1980
ABC Records ABCL 8007 (LP)
ABCC 8007 (cassette)


Whatever Happened To My Bedroom Flippers?
The Phil Spectre of the past haunts Dr Poo.

This One’s Full Of Trousers
Hours of light reading for the whole family to stand on. Special introductory otter, with free Yak wig, and Monkey back guarantee.

On The Fifth Moon Of Zaybor
They’re not actually there, but lots of things do happen nonetheless.

Paddle! (in French)
Something rather unusual the Doctor does with his legs. Dana, meanwhile, stays off the verandah, because they’re still underwater.


Really Strange Fingering
Dana and Captain Nemoss make beautiful sacks together.

Pretend To Die Of Old Age
An ancient Oriental art, used by Eastern mystics to claim on their life insurance policies.

Straight Between The Uprights
A dramatic conjunction of an explosive Puerto Rican, a veal cutlet, a savage tribe of primitive beach inspectors, and a really dirty bit which has, unfortunately, been edited out.

The Other End
A behind-the-scenes look at the hurly-burly, day-to-day, dog-eat-dog world of fictional-radio-characters.

This LP was a real treat for Poo fanatics - a complete story that could be heard time and time again! As well as 6 extra-long episodes (which ran for 5 minutes each, rather than 2, but still, charmingly, began with the radio theme tune and ended with little cliffhangers), the opening and closing of the record featured Dr Poo in a recording booth, mucking up the recording of his introductions ("Take one? Did somebody say 'take one'? Well they're not supposed to take one, they're supposed to pay for it") and being interrupted by Kevin the announcer - just like the radio show! An A4 letter was also included (mentioned on the cover as a ‘Free Gift’) with two photos of the Dr Poo team ‘paper clipped’ to the page: click here to download a PDF version!

For many years we were confused as to whether this storyline was made specifically for the record or whether it was adapted from previously aired radio episodes. Life-long Poo fan Phil always assured us that it was adapted from previously aired radio episodes, and his memory was proved right when he visited the ABC archives in 2010 and found some of the original 2-minute Knees Ahoy episodes on a tape of representative Dr Poo recordings. Indeed, if you listen closely to the record, you can hear where they have edited some parts to accommodate the record format and other parts that were re-recorded to make it all fit. Each 5 minute episode seems to include 3 radio episodes, meaning that the original broadcast version would have been at least 18 episodes long. So there you have it!

The record was released in December 1980, just in time for Christmas, and was plugged by DJ Doug Mulray after the (on-going) daily episodes - which, at the time of release, saw Denis trying to take over the show in 'Wild Cat Strike'. From Mulray's comments, we believe the record to have been released around Monday 15 December.

Performed by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and sometimes Ken Matthews

Written by Gruff Gekko, Sleeve Joinstrain, Swettham Nek and sometimes Lace Curtains

Recorded by Ron ‘No Worries’ Minogue
Sound effects by Pat Hopper and Steve Collins
Produced by Rear-Admiral David Ives at ABC Studios, Sydney
Further Production by Geoff Kelso and Peter Deane-Butcher
Music for Dana’s Song by Professor Dean-Butcher

Special Trunks to: Dives (his is an unenviable tusk), Ted (for the elephant joke), the gang in the ABC Sound FX Zoo, Doug ‘Elephant Buns’ Mulray, and Patty Winter, who can rope and brand a bull elephant in just under two minutes!

Background watercolour, ‘View of Huiehene, Society Islands’ by John Webber, from Captain Cook’s third voyage. Reproduced by kind permission of Dixson Library, Sydney.

Cover design by Lynda Mychael

Knee's Ahoy! LP - Radio Advert #1 (December 1980)
JIM LAD: Captain?
CAPTAIN: A vast there, Jim Lad, what is it?
JIM LAD: Knees Ahoy!, Captain, on the starboard bow!
CAPTAIN: Well, heave to, Jim Lad!
JIM LAD: Ay ay, Captain! [He heaves up, twice]
CAPTAIN: Yes, well, funny, Jim Lad, very funny.
JIM LAD: And so is the Dr Poo album, Captain.
CAPTAIN: Arrr, ha ha, that it is, Jim Lad, and at $8.99, it’s a steal.
JIM LAD: Well, if it’s a steal, let’s pinch a copy!
CAPTAIN: Ha ha, good idea, Jim Lad. Yo ho ho and a bottle of Christmas!
JIM LAD: Arrr, Captain; once more ‘round the deck?
CAPTAIN: You dance divinely, Jim Lad.
JIM LAD: Arrr, get your hook out of me back, Captain…
CAPTAIN: Sorry about that…
Knee's Ahoy! LP - Radio Advert #2 (January 1981)
POLICEMAN: Now I’d like to make one thing clear: this record was not actually released. It escaped. We consider the disc to be extremely dangerous, and advise the public to be on the lookout for a round, flex piece of vinyl, on a colourful cover marked, "Knee’s Ahoy". It may also be disguised as a compact cassette recording. Anyone found harbouring this album will have to stand on a rolled up wedding cake and whistle all the public holidays from the 1957 calendar, whilst hitting a close relative about the head with a dead possum.