Episode 60
Sherlock Humms (i)
August 1979

Opening titles

Kevin

It's London in the time of Queen Victoria. The killers are thick on the ground and there's an insane fog on the loose. But where are the Doctor and Dana?

Dr Poo

Right here Kevin, in front of this door. Now give me that knocker and get lost.

Kevin

Well if that's your attitude, here you are and GOODBYE!

(Kevin runs off)

Dana

Oh Doctor, you've upset him and now he's gone off in a huff.

Dr Poo

Well it matches his suit. Never mind about him Dana, we have an episode to attend to.

Dana

Who lives here Doctor?

Dr Poo

The man who can tell us what's going on.

Doctor Poo knocks on the door and it creaks open

Humms

Good evening. Come in.

Dr Poo

Thank you.

Dana

Tah.

Humms

Now, how can I help you?

Dr Poo

You probably know who I am.

Humms

Yes, you're Doctor Poo. I listen to you on the wireless. And this must be the beautiful Dana Sock.

Dana

Where? Oh yes me. Ah ha. What's your name?

Dr Poo

This Dana, is the famous sloth, Sherlock Humms.

Dana

Isn't it Holmes?

Humms

No, Humms.

Dana

Why?

Humms

Because I don't know the words.

Doctor Poo

O Humms, that's a terrible joke.

Humms

Yes Poo, I know and I'm terribly sorry but you see everyone in London is telling awful jokes. It's the only self defence we have against that mad misanthropic comedian, Jack the Quipper.

Music plays

Thank you. This madman has been terrorising London for the last mangimum months. Late at night he accosts his innocent victims in dark quiet streets and tells the most awful music hall jokes imaginable. Forty victims so far. All of them hopelessly boring.

Dr Poo

Obviously no laughing matter Humms.

Humms

No Poo, it's beyond a yoke!

Chicken noise - buck, buck, buck

Dr Poo

Oh dear. Come on Kevin, finish this damn episode before Humms tries to tell anymore jokes.

Telephone rings

Hello.

Forkbody

Dr Poo? Inspector Forkbody of the Lard here. We have your lost announcer here and you can pick him up in the next episode of Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from an NAA recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.