Episode 135
Collision with Dr Who (2/7)
November 1979

OPENING TITLES

Kevin

This episode of Dr Poo contains the situation where the Turdis is approaching another time and space vehicle; inducing a flow of Retardo Particles, which may produce strange and fundamentally stupid effects on our two heroes, Tractor Stew and Donut Shop. This episode also contains not less than thirty-five percent pure brake fluid.

DR Poo & Dana   

Oo ah, oo ah. Ohhh oooo, aaahhhh...

DANA

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

O Doctor, I feel all, you know, funny and silly.

DR POO

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

Leaping lavatories, Dana. You're in my body and I'm in yours.

DANA

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

O Doctor, donít be disgusting. Get out of my body, Iím not that kind of girl.

DR POO

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

No, wait Dana, my mistake. We havenít swapped bodies, weíve transferred minds. Youíve got my brain and Iíve got yours. O God, no.

DANA

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

Well give me back my brain then Doctor. I donít want your grubby thoughts all over it.

DR POO

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

Do you think I want this feeble brain of yours, Dana? Every time I try to think rationally, I keep getting recipes of some stupid little cakes.

DANA

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

O yes you mean those lovely little ones with the butterfly wings and the cream...

DR POO

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

O shut up Dana and stop thinking like that. Youíll wear out all my neutrinos.

DANA

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

Well itís not my fault. I didnít ask for your brain, I hate it. I want to go home.

(DANA CRIES)

DR POO

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

There, there Dana, Iím sorry. I didnít mean to upset you. But look Dana, itís up to you to use my brain to get us out of this mess.

DANA

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

But where will I start Doctor? There are so many big words here in your head.

DR POO

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

Start in the top left hand corner, Dana.

DANA

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

Um, philosophy, metaphysics, ah ethics.

DR POO

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

No below that.

DANA

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

Oh, rubber appliances...

DR POO

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

Not that low.

DANA

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

Noddy and Big Ears, a hundred explicit photographs...

DR POO

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

Oh, this will take forever. Come on, Kevin, announce the end of the episode.

KEVIN

Meow.

DR POO

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

Good God Kevin! Denis, you had better do it.

DENIS

(Speaking with Kevin's voice)

Right Doctor. Well, our two heroes are completely  beside themselves. How will they get out of it and whatís happened to that other mysterious time and space vehicle? How should I know? My brain is full of kitty litter, which contains two thirds of the average daily requirements of Dana, sorry Dr Poo-oo!

END TITLES



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.