Episode 136
Collision with Dr Who (3/7)
November 1979

OPENING TITLES

Kevin

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow...

Denis

(Speaking with Kevin's voice)

Forget it Kevin. I, Denis the Denim Cat will introduce this episode. I can see that you're confused Poo fans but there is a simple explanation; there's just been a general reshuffling of brains aboard the Turdis. That's all. I'm Denis the Denim Cat. How do you so? And I've got the brain of Kevin the Announcer, who has got my body, so he looks like me but I sound like him and now I make a lot of money for a cat.

Kevin

Meow!

Denis

(Speaking with Kevin's voice)

I know Kevin, you're upset but stiff biccies. Anyway, the Doctor now has Dana's brain, which seems a bit unfair and Dana has the Doctor's brain which is a ridiculous waste of resources. All clear? Good. Now where's that bowl of milk?

Kevin

Meow

Denis

(Speaking with Kevin's voice)

Thanks Kevin.

Dana

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

Er err, er.

Dr Poo

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

Think Dana think.

Dana

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

It's no use, Doctor, I can't think with your brain. Now we'll never get out of this mess.

(Dana cries)

Dr Poo

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

Pull yourself together, Dana.

Denis

(Speaking with Kevin's voice)

That's Doctor talking.

Dana

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

Shut up Denis.

Denis

(Speaking with Kevinís voice)

Yep, thatís him.

Dr Poo

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

Now Dana, somewhere in my head is the key to this whole problem. Think, Dana, think.

Dana

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

Hm, oh, er retardo particles...

Dr Poo

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

That's it, Dana, that's it.

Dana

(Speaking with the Doctor's voice)

Ah because we're approaching another time and space machine, the stupidatron fields of that vehicle and the Turdis interacted to create a retardo effect that made something incredibly stupid happen.

Dr Poo

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

Something incredibly stupid. Of course, we've all got the wrong scripts. Quick everyone, change scripts.

Sound of scripts being passed between characters

Dr Poo

Ah, that's better. It's so good to feel myself again. How do you feel Dana?

Dana

Meow.

Dr Poo

Denis, give Dana back her script.

Denis

(Speaking with Dana's voice)

O all right.

Denis passes Dana's script to her

Dana

Thank you Denis.

Denis

Meow.

Dr Poo

Now right Dana. How far away is that other time and space machine?

Dana

I don't know.

Dr Poo

Check the cosmos scanner.

Dana

All right. Oo here it is. Ah, three feet and closing fast. Oo...

Sound of brakes screeching and an impact with the other machine

Kevin

Oh what a nasty smash and were they strapped in? Make sure you're strapped in, for when we drive you head on into the next brick wall of Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.