Episode 138
Collision with Dr Who (5/7)
November 1979

OPENING TITLES

Kevin

The Doctor and Dana have pranged the Turdis. They're OK but what about the owner of the other time and space vehicle.

Dr Poo

O what a mess. Are you all right Dana?

Dana

Dana who?

Dr Poo

Forget it, Dana. Now I wonder how the other chap's machine came out of it?

Dana

It's coming up on the screen now Doctor. Oo, it looks a bit expensive.

Dr Poo

O dear, it's hardly been scratched at all.

Dana

Ah it looks a bit like the Turdis except for that light on top.

Dr Poo

It's a standard one door v8 TARDIS, Dana. It's designed to look like an English police phone box, everyone drives them.

Dana

How come it's not damaged when the Turdis is almost a complete write off.

Dr Poo

Well we're only a parody Dana. They must come from a real universe. I'd better contact the driver.

The Doctor dials the telephone

Hello operator, Dr Poo here. Could you get me the driver of the V8 TARDIS please. I've just crashed into it. Yes. Thank you.

Dr Poo is put through

Hello, Dr Poo here. I'm the chap who's just crashed into you.

Dr Who answers but his words are muffled

Yes that's right. To whom am I speaking?

Dr Who

I'm the Doctor.

Dr Poo

Yes I know you're a doctor, I'm a doctor too.

Dr Who

Oh you're Dr Two, are you.

Dr Poo

No not Dr Two. Dr Poo. And you're Dr who?

Dr Who

Yes that's right. Ah how did you know my name?

Dr Poo

What do you mean, how did I know your name?

Dr Who

Well that's my name, Dr Who.

Dr Poo

O that's your name, Dr Who.

Dr Who

Yes, that's right.

Dr Poo

It's a Dr Who, Dana.

Dana

Who? Dr who, ah Dr Findlay?

Dr Poo

No Dana.

Dana

Ah, Dr Spock?

Dr Poo

No Dana, Dr Who is his name. Now shut up and hand me that pen. Yes as you were saying. Dr Who, care of the BBC, London, England, Earth. Right.

Dr Who speaks but his words are muffled

Oh no, I couldn't let you do that.

Dr Who

O but I insist.

Dr Poo

O well, if you insist.

Dr Who

I have an appointment, you see.

Dr Poo

You have an appointment. Oh I see. Well I'll just send you the bill, then shall I? It's very decent of you, you know.

Dr Who makes a strange noise and hangs up

Made a funny noise and hung up!

Kevin

You'd hang up too if a parody of a travesty of a burlesque of your TV show had crashed into you, on a cheap radio serial called, no, not Dr Who, but Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.