Episode 147
The Great Universal Cuckoo Clock of Time (5/29)
January 1980

OPENING TITLES

Kevin

At the centre of time is a giant cuckoo clock, which keeps the universe running to schedule. Rubbish. Apparently this cuckoo thing is winding down and threatening to bring the whole universe to a grinding halt. Codswallop. The universe isn't r u n n i n g    d  o  w  n...

Dr Poo

It's getting worse Dana. It's even affecting Kevin. Either that or his head needs demagnetizing. But fear not, now that we've reached the giant Universal Cuckoo Clock of Time...

Dana

The GUCCOT.

Dr Poo

The what?

Dana

The GUCCOT. That's the initials - The Great Universal Cuckoo Clock of Time. I worked it out myself. I like using the initials cause it makes me sound clever. GUCCOT.

Dr Poo

Shut up Dana.

Dana

Shut up Dana. Let me see, S U D. Sud.

Dr Poo

Dana.

Dana

Very clever Doctor I never thought of that before. From now on when you want me to shut up, you can just say SUD and I'll know exactly what you mean.

Dr Poo

O God, someone save me from this snail brain cretin.

Dana

Ogssmftsbc. No that's a bit hard to remember. I'll never remember that.

Dr Poo

Shut up!

Sound of The Great Universal Cuckoo Clock of Time

Dana

O look what you've done now. You've upset the GUCCOT. Why is the cuckoo in a wheel chair? Is he sick? Oh poor thing.

Dr Poo

He can't be sick Dana; it's only a mechanical device.

Dana

Don't say that, you'll hurt its feelings.

Dr Poo

It hasn't got feelings Dana; it's just a mechanical...

(Cuckoo poops on Dr Poo)

Oh, mechanical guarlo all over my scarf. The damn things pooped on me.

Dana

See.

Dr Poo

O let's wind the damn thing up and get out of here. Now the key should be up here of the shelf. It's not there! Damn and blast, someone's stolen...

Kevin

Yes someone's stolen the key to the GUCCOT.

Dr Poo

It's the Great Universal Cuckoo Clock of Time, Kevin.

Kevin

You say the Great Universal Cuckoo Clock of Time, I say the GUCCOT. You say damn and blast and I say forget it. Forget it, the GUCCOT, the GUCCOT, forget it. Let's call the whole thing Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.