Episode 153
The Great Universal Cuckoo Clock of Time (11/29)
January 1980

OPENING TITLES

Kevin

What's the difference between two rubber chandeliers? And what's it got to do with you? Keep your filthy minds to yourselves, you disgusting listeners. And stop thinking of those rubber chandeliers. Something serious is afoot and a foot is also something serious. Try getting along without one.

DR POO

Stop it there Kevin. I think that's enough.

KEVIN

Fascist!

DR POO

I'll ignore that, Kevin.

DANA

You'll have to ignore that Kevin; he's the only Kevin we've got. Unless there's some I haven't noticed. O, what's that up in the spider's web? Is that a Kevin?

DR POO

Close Dana, it's a little crawly bug.

KEVIN

I didn't come here to be insulted.

DR POO

Read the fine print in your contract, Kevin. Now crawl off into a corner and shut up. Well Dana, as I remember, we were talking to the cosmic milkman's horse.

ZARATHUSTRA

(Horse snorts)

Right on Doc. That's me, yeah man. I am your funky pony. I am your walking, talking smoke stack lightning flash. I am a horse and I am the boss. So hang loose and give me your jive.

DR POO

Ah yes, good. Right, ah...

DANA

Far out, man.

DR POO

Quiet Dana. Now horse, where do we find the second little bit of the spare key of time?

ZARATHUSTRA

Second little bit of the spare key of time, my ass.

DR POO

Now look here!

ZARATHUSTRA

No, look there. Second little bit of the spare key of time, my ass. Other end, dummy.

DANA

Dr, I think he means we should look at his, ah, horsey botty.

DR POO

O very well. This is silly, looking at some dumb animal's buttocks for sign of a vital cosmic artifact. Does anything strike your eye, Dana?

(Horse neighs, farts and drops a load of manure)

DANA

Almost.

ZARATHUSTRA

There it is.

DR POO

The second little bit is in... In that?

ZARATHUSTRA

No man, that is it. That is little bit number two.

DANA

Well it's definitely number two but it's not very little.

ZARATHUSTRA

What do you expect from a horse, rabbit shit? That there is a real horse size poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.