Episode 154
The Great Universal Cuckoo Clock of Time (12/29)
January 1980

OPENING TITLES

Kevin

The cosmic milkman's horse has produced almost magically, little bit number two of the spare key of time. But the Dr is having trouble persuading Dana to shovel it into her handbag and I'm not surprised.

DR POO

This is no time to be squeamish, Dana. The universe is at risk and we all have to do our bit.

ZARATHUSTRA

Yeah, come on sister. I'm a horse and I've done my bit.

DANA

But I'm not putting your bit in my handbag.

DR POO

Start shovelling that manure, Dana.

DANA

Oah.

ZARATHUSTRA

Get the lead out, toots. I've got deliveries to make.

DANA

I hope your milk's better than this.

NIETZSCHE

Here mate. Why's that bird shovelling my horse's shit into her handbag?

DR POO

Your beast's manure is one of the seven little bits that make up the spare key of time; with which I'll wind up the Great Cuckoo Clock of Time and thereby foil the evil, Dr Wee.

NIETZSCHE

Get away. And I thought you were just a pair of loonies.

DANA

Finished Dr.

DR POO

Well done Dana. And tell me O noble milkman, by what name are you called?

NIETZSCHE

Fred's the name, Fred Nietzsche, glad to meet ya. And the 'orse's name is Zarathustra. I call him that, 'cause he speaks like, you know, thus spake Zarathustra.

2001: A Space Odyssey theme music played. It goes a bit wonky

DR POO

That's it. The clue to the next bit. Thus spake Zarathustra. Philosophy, manure, the horse, the cart.

NIETZSCHE

What about d' cart?

DR POO

D' cart, philosophy. Day cart? No but the manure. Night cart? Of course, Rene Nightcartes. I stink, therefore I am. That philosophical concept is in the third little bit of the key of time. And I'm sure I've got it on that Wonder Crap record - A Hundred Pulverising Philosophy Hits for Your Party. Come on Dana, back to the TURDIS.

DANA

Bye bye Fred.

KEVIN

I didn't know the Dr had such good taste. I've got that record too. Mind you, the only trouble with philosophy records is that they have to be played really loud and the neighbours complain about Bertrand Russell at two hundred watts per channel at four o'clock in the morning. The other thing the neighbours complain about is any episode of Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.