Episode 156
The Great Universal Cuckoo Clock of Time (14/29)
January 1980

OPENING TITLES

Kevin

Yowsa yowsa yowsa, my mother's left leg. Da da.

DR POO

And what's that supposed to be, Kevin?

KEVIN

It's a joke Dr. A joke.

DR POO

It wasn't very funny.

KEVIN

O you had to be there at the time. You see my mother's left leg is really...

DR POO

All right Kevin. Look there's no need for you to try and tell a joke in the introduction; the show is funny all the way through.

DANA

Is it? Nobody told me.

DR POO

Shut up Dana. In fact shut up the pair of you. We're going to start this episode right now or my name isn't...

KEVIN

Dr Poo-oo!

Kevin plays end credits

DR POO

No stop that! Stop that!

Sound of Dr Poo taking record off

I suppose you think that's funny, Kevin?

KEVIN

Well it's funnier than your stupid search for the seven little bit of the spare key of time.

DR POO

My stupid search as you call it Kevin, will ultimately totally save the universe from total ultimate and absolute universal destruction. So there.

(The Dr pokes his tongue at Kevin)

Already I have the first three bits of the key. The third bit is this record of Rene Nightcartes.

The Dr plays the record

Nightcartes

I stink, therefore I am. It logically follows that I like boy scouts.

The Dr takes the needle off the record

DR POO

Hold it there. Boy scouts, of course. It stands to reason and sits down for breakfast that the fourth little bit of the spare key of time must be a boy scout.

DANA

Where?

(There is a knock at the door)

DR POO

There.

(Dr Poo opens door)

Boy Scout

Hey Mister, bob a job?

DR POO

Got him!

(Dr Poo grabs the Boy Scout)

Boy Scout

Oo er...

DR POO

Hold him down Dana, while I tie him into a reef knot. There. Now put him in that seaman's chest.

Staines

Eeh arhh, shiver me timbers. Arrh.

DR POO

No not that one Dana, the tin one over in the corner.

DANA

Oh there. In you go.

(Dana puts Boy Scout in the chest and closes the lid)

DR POO

You there, sailor chappy. What are you doing in here?

Staines

Why, I was just following that there Boy Scout, Jim lad, arhh.

DR POO

You disgusting old sea dog. Get back to your ship at once.

Staines

But Master, I can't find my ship, arhh.

DR POO

Well there's nothing we can do for you until the next episode. Now we can't use the theme music to end here because Kevin put it on earlier. So we just finish.

(Silence)



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.