The Great Universal Cuckoo Clock of Time (15/29)
Dr Poo is now the proud owner of four lovely little bits of
the spare key of time and also a dirty old sailor who insists on showing the Dr
Put that thing away.
O what was it? I didn't see it.
Not now Dana, there's no good him showing it unless he shows
it right to the end.
What's your name, sailor?
Staines, Seaman Staines.
You should complain. I've got a handbag full of horse shit.
It's the Dr's idea. He says it's the second little bit of the
spare key of time.
Well I'll be blowed, as often as possible. My ship is called
the HMS Fifth Little Bit of the Spare Key of Time, arrhh.
Holy harpic! What a miraculous coincidence. We must find your ship immediately. Hand me the phone book, Dana.
(Dana hands the phone book to the Dr)
Tah. Hmm, ah, HMS Fat. No. HMS Fertilizer, HMS Fizo, HMS
Fifth Little Bit of Lord Mountbatten, HMS Fifth Little Bit of the Spare Key of
Time. Ah ha.
The Dr dials the number, the phone rings and Puke-Knightly
Hello is that the ah...?
Yes it is. Captain Puke-Knightly speaking.
Hello Puke-Knightly. My name is Poo.
My heart goes out to you
Thank you. My heart goes out to you.
O what a nice arrangement.
Listen Captain. The universe is in grave danger and I need
O top ho. Glad to lend a hand, the cosmos expects and all
that. As Nelson said at Trafalgar, I see no sign to stop. Piss on me hearty.
I'll be right over.
Puke-Knightly hangs up the phone
There is a knock on the door of the TURDIS
Answer that would you Dana.
(Dana opens the door)
Sound of ship's foghorn
What a lucky little Dr, Poo is. He's now got five; count
them, five little bits of the spare key of time: The note to the milkman. The
pile of horse manure. The philosophical concept. The Boy Scout and the ship,
which will take us all on the Women's Weekly World Discovery Tour of the next
episode of Dr Poo-oo!
Transcribed by Phil from an off-air recording made by Warren.
Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.