Episode 244
Knee's Ahoy! (iii)
May 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

The dreaded Captain Nemoss and the slightly water damaged Dr Poo stand on a tropical beach and prepare for a fight to the Finnish or the Danish or the Norwegian.

Bjorn

Hello, I am Bjorn Free, famous Norwegian piano tuner.

Sound of gun firing and Bjorn falls dead

Kevin

No, I'll think they will fight to the finish.

(Crowd murmurs)

Nemoss

Silence. Choose the weapons Doctor.

Dr Poo

All right Nemoss, I choose banjos.

Nemoss

So, duelling banjos. Very well and remember Doctor this is a fart to the death. Are you ready?

Dr Poo

I'm ready.

Dana

Good luck Doctor. Kill him.

Dr Poo

Thanks Dana.

Nemoss

And a one and a two and a one, two, three...

They duel to the music Duelling Banjos

Sound of punches thrown

Bell rings for the end of Round 1

Dr Poo

How am I doing, Dana?

Dana

Well, you've opened up a big cut on his chin.

Nemoss

That's his mouth, Dana.

Dana

Ah.

Dr Poo

My banjo looks a bit knocked about, doesn't it?

Dana

That's because you keep hitting Nemoss on the head with it.

Dr Poo

That's the object of the fight, Dana. We hit each other on the head with these banjos until one of us looks like Sylvester Stallone.

Dana

Ohh.

Dr Poo

I think I've got Nemoss worried.

Dana

Why? Did you tell him he left the gas on at home?

Dr Poo

No Dana of course I didn't... Wait a minute, that's a good idea.

Bell rings for second round

Hey Nemoss.

Nemoss

Oui.

Dr Poo

You left the gas on at home.

Nemoss

No I didn't. Or did I, now let me think. I locked the back door and then I walked...

Sound of banjo hitting NemoSS

Kevin

Well there you have it ladies and gentle Poo. Captain Nemoss down and out in the second round from a banjo to the top of the head. And the winner and still grizzling champion is Muhammad Al Doctor formerly Cassius Poo-oo!

END TITLES



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from an NAA recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.