The New Turdis
(Sound of Kevin sucking a cloth)
Oh sorry Poo connoisseurs. I'm just sucking my wettex full of
dirty champagne, left over from the little soiree we had in celebration of the
launching of the Doctor's new Turdis.
(He is drunk and starts singing to the tune "I get a
kick out of you" by Cole Porter)
I got the cats from champagne, Mere alcohol makes me chuck
down the drain.
This new Turdis is a little beauny. Goes like a bus of
Meow, hic, meow.
What's that Denis?
Yeah, let's bugger into the old inter-stellar overdrive, eh.
Doctor, you're weaving all over the cosmos.
What's the matter Dana, afraid of a bit of speed?
(Blows raspberries and pokes out tongue)
Denis, stop abusing the universe and wind up that window.
You'll have the police on us.
Don't be a wet muddy stick in the blanket, Dana. We're just
having a little harmless fun. Anyhow, the cosmos fuzz will never catch my
Sound of police sirens
There Doctor, I told you so.
You didn't tell me to sew, Dana, you told me not to weave.
But you didn't tell me to sew. Ah ha ha.
What are we going to do?
Well the Moon is coming up on the right; I'll duck behind it
until they go past.
Sound of Turdis landing
That fooled them. Come on, let's have a look outside.
Sound of ducks quacking
Well splash me boots, we've landed on the duck side of the
Well gang, we've arrived on the duck side of the Moon thanks to the drunk side of Dr Poo-oo!
Transcribed by Phil from an NAA recording.
Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.