Episode 311
Kak-Ronald's (xv)
Mon 25 August 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

Hey Poo volunteers. Dana Sock known as the Julie Andrews of the Cosmos; has been sparrow titted away to the evil planet Cack; where she gallantly fights off wave upon wave of Donald Kak-Ronald robot clowns.

Sounds of destruction

Dana

Take that!

Clowns

Ow, aarh.

Dana

(Brushes her hands)

Well that's that. Unless of course it's something else. Ah botties. Here comes a new wave of them, or is it just a sixties revival?

Donald Kak-Ronald 1

Hello, we are here to destroy you.

Donald Kak-Ronald 2

That's right.

Dana

O alright. Let's get on with it. Cop this android features.

Kak-Ronald Clowns

Aarh, errr.

Kevin

Mean whale, or perhaps a miserly porpoise; in the Turdis, the Doctor and his band of real clowns are racing against the clock.

Dr Poo

Come on you damn clock, run!

Clowns

Yeah, yeah.

Dr Poo

You're no fun to race against at all, you slob of a clock. All you do is sit there and say tick, tock.

Boozo

Yeah, at least you could say hickory, dickory, Doc.

Clowns

Ha ha ha ha.

Dr Poo

O shut up Boozo, you stupid clown; and tell Grotto to stop doing back flips on to the vidi screen. I can't see where the Turdis is going. Look Pinko, call your clowns to order will you or I'll send you all to bed without your custard pies.

Pinko

Alright brother clowns, fair suck of the circus. Hey Wanko, give it a rest mate. You're making a mess on the control panel.

Wanko

Sorry, just cleaning out my horn.

(Honks his horn)

Pinko

Righto Doc, you now have our complete and undivided big top.

Dr Poo

What?

Pinko

A tent show.

Dr Poo

Don't you mean attention!

Clowns fall in

That's more like it. Clowns from the right. Number...

Sound from Horn 1, Horn 2, Horn 3, Horn 4

Kevin

HONK!

Dr Poo

Who's that clown at the end.

Kevin

It's Kevo, voice juggler extraordinaire and spruiker for the greatest show on Earth, Dr Poo-oo!

END TITLES



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.