Episode 314
Bernie Smith (2/3)
Thu 28 August 1980

Opening titles

Ray

Hey, wow there gang, my name's Ray and I like thought I'd better, like, you know, fill you in on the scene here. Yeah, well, this episode is being checked out by the Café Society for the Prevention of Conversion to Luggage of Denim Cats. O yeah.

Dana

But a like I haven't done anything, um, man.

Dr Poo

You can't jive talk your way out of this Dana. You've pinned Denis' tail to the top of his head and he became an overnight bag, overnight.

Denis

Meow.

Dr Poo

Don't panic Denis, we'll get you out of this.

Ray

Hey you cats. This cat is really luggage. I mean, can you dig it. He's full of spare clothes and hotel towels.

Dana

O dear, what have I done.

Ray

Cool it chick, I've been through this scene, like a before. You dig?

Dr Poo

We dig, man.

Ray

I'll just like a, you know, give your cat a burst from this can of spray on miracle cat restorer.

RAY Sprays Denis

Denis

Meow

Sproing!

Dr Poo

O well done Ray.

Dana

Yeah like hooray man.

Dr Poo

Who Ray, Dana? Simple. He Ray, me Doctor.

Dana

And me Jane?

Dr Poo

No Dana. That's Jane over there in the corner with Tarzan.

Jane

Hi, me Jane.

Tarzan

Me Tarzan.

(Tarzan's yell)

Gun shot

Jane

I can't take him anywhere.

Dr Poo

I know how you feel Jane. Could I borrow your gun for a moment.

Dana

Dana! Dana! My name's Dana.

Ray

Hey man, you two have flipped.

Dr Poo

I'm sorry, Ray. It's the strain. You see, we've just completed a top secret mission for God himself; by destroying the evil CackRonalds empire.

Ray

Hey man, haven't you heard. That's ancient historyville, man. God is dead!

Kevin

What?

Ray

Yeah, it's on the news, man.

ABC radio news theme - albeit a little wonkier

Friedrich Nietzsche

This is Friedrich Nietzsche with the news. God is dead. Late last night, the creator of the universe, God, passed away peacefully in his sleep. He is survived by His Son and His Holy Ghost and a bloody great load of angels. Apparently, God's last words were Earghhhhh...

END TITLES

2JJ DJ Doug Mulray

(Laughs)

I can see the letters coming in now. I wish to disassociate myself from many of those claims.



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.