Bernie Smith (3/3)
Fri 29 August 1980
Hello Poo fans. As you may be aware, God, the creator of the
universe, passed away yesterday peacefully in his slippers. In Memorium and in
other suburbs, we will now have two minutes silence.
Kevin. I believe in having reverence for those who've kicked
the galvanized iron water carrying implement and gone west...
But we are not having two minutes of silence during my show.
Now look, Poo fans. It is true that in our last episode, we reported that God
had died. Well of course He did. And remember, you heard it first on Dr Poo.
But I think Kevin's making a lot of mountain out of what is after all, just the
top left hand corner of a molehill. God's death isn't the end of the world.
Thank God for that.
Oo no Dana. We don't thank God anymore. He's dead.
Oh, then who do we thank now?
Well, from now on, the Managing Director of the universe
will be Bernie Smith.
Who in Bernie Smith's name is he?
Well, for ages now, Dana, Bernie's had a fabulous night club
act in which he does some really great impressions of God. And so, the God
Appointments Board thought it would be less of a shock to the universe if he
simply stepped into the old man's shoes.
What about the old man's socks?
Ah, no Dana. I don't think Bernie will want to use the same
socks. I mean, God had been wearing them since the creation of the universe.
Actually, there should be something about it on the fridge,
if this episode's been written properly.
We interrupt this advertised fridge for a short message from
the new Managing Director of the universe, Mr Bernie Smith.
Ar Ha ha. Hi, I'm Bernie Smith and I'm in charge round here
now and things are going to be a real scream from now on. Ha ha.
Our Smith who art in heaven, Bernie be thy name. Will King Kong come? Will Faye Ray be saved in real life as she is in the movie; and give us each day our daily hippopotamus of Dr Poo-oo!
2JJ DJ Doug Mulray
That is the most bizarre thing I've heard since someone
suggested that Ronald Reagan might be President of the United States.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.
Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.