Episode 318
Garry Sock's Wedding (3/15)
Wed 3 September 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

This is the story of Eugene Caruthers, bagpipe wrestler extraordinaire and captain of the Fred and Doris Chicken Sexem Memorial Massed Bagpipe Wrestling Team. A man like you or me, especially if you're a woman. Eugene rents a room upstairs in the Turdis and sometimes he has his bagpipe wrestling friends around to practice putting step over toe holds on amazing grace.

Knock at the door

Dr Poo

Hmm yes.

Grace

Hello, I'm Amazing Grace, clunk.

Dr Poo

What?

Grace

I'm sorry, I keep falling down. Clunk. Is Eugene in?

Dr Poo

Yes, upstairs.

Grace

Thank you, clunk. Oo clunk. Ow clunk.

Knock at the door

Dr Poo

Yes.

Rob Roy

I'm Rob Roy MacGregor Campbell McSoup.

Dr Poo

Upstairs.

Rob Roy

Hoot de doo. Ock aye. McEtcetera.

Another knock at the door

Dr Poo

Yes.

Clive Inhale

Hello. I'm a reporter with Chanel No. 5 Nosewitness News. We're here to smell Eugene Caruthers for the national network.

Dr Poo

Upstairs.

Clive Inhale

Come on everybody.

Dana

Doctor, do you know who that was? That was Clive Inhale from the six o'clock smell.

Dr Poo

I know Dana. I've smelt him before.

Another knock at the door

COME IN.

Door opens to the sound of mass bagpipes playing

Upstairs!

Mass bagpipes continue playing as they go upstairs

Dana

O Doctor, look what they've squashed into the carpet; a great big strawberry jam sandwich. Hang on. It's wearing a wrist watch.

Dr Poo

And a postman's uniform.

Dana

A postman sandwich without chutney. Err, I think I'm going to be sick.

Dr Poo

Wait a minute, Dana. This sandwich has got a letter in its hand. It's probably for that damn, Eugene. Dear Damn Eugene, bad luck, this message is for Dana Sock

Dana

O gimme gimme. Dear Dana, thanks for coming to my wedding. Your loving brother, Garry. Ay, I don't understand.

Kevin

And that was the story of Eugene Caruthers, brought to you courtesy of Chanel No. 5 Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.