Episode 319
Garry Sock's Wedding (4/15)
Thu 4 September 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

Last episode gang. No, no; stop that hysterical screaming. I didn't mean this was the last episode. The last episode hasn't happened yet, although it will eventually. Now stop that screaming and gnashing of teeth. Look, face up to reality. One day there will be a last episode of Dr Poo; probably when the sun burns out. O, stop your blubbering. We all know the sun's going to burn out sometime.

Dr Poo

Get away from my lovely Poo fans, Kevin. You're upsetting them.

Kevin

Well, they better not come crying to me when the sun burns out.

Dr Poo

My dear desiccated fans. How can I apologize for Kevin's inexcusable behaviour? The man has the emotional sensitivity of a pound of mince. What can I do that doesn't involve money or any inconvenience to me? Of course this isn't our last episode...

Dana

Last episode! Oh no, I'll be out of a job. I'll be a vole bludgeoner. What'll my parents say? Probably, your dinner's in the oven, Dana.

Dr Poo

Shut up, you stupid beautiful assistant. This is not our last episode.

Denis

Meow.

Dr Poo

O leaping lavatories, Denis. I just said - this is not... Oh, I give up. You're doing this on purpose, the lot of you. Alright, let's see how well you get on without me. I'll be down the pub when you decide you need me.

Dana

Um Denis. Is it my imagination or was the Doctor a bit upset?

Denis

Meow.

Dana

Yes, it must've been something about that last episode, when I got this funny letter thanking me for going to my bother's wedding. But I haven't been to my brother's wedding. I didn't even know he was getting married.

Denis

Meow.

Dana

O of course, Denis; cosmic priority post. So the letter got here before it was sent.

Denis

Meow.

Dana

I'll be able to go to my brother Garry's wedding after all.

Kevin

And so ends what could have been but unfortunately wasn't, the last episode of Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.