Episode 323
Garry Sock's Wedding (8/15)
Wed 10 September 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

The Doctor, Dana and Dennis are in church to witness Dana's brother Garry, tie the knot or his shoe laces with his Russian fiancée, Natasha.

MUSIC: Wagner's Bridal Chorus

Dana

Ohh look Doctor, here she comes.

Sound of huge footsteps

Um, she's very, um ah statuesque. Isn't she?

Dr Poo

Yes Dana, like Mount Rushmore.

Mrs Sock

Quiet Dana!

Dana

Sorry Mum.

Mr Sock

Good on ya, Gazza. Give her one for me.

Garry

Spot on, Dad.

Mrs Sock

Shut up Garry; you too Dad.

Mr Sock

Sorry dear.

Minister

Dearly blubbered. We are gathered here today, in the sight of Bernie Smith, to join this man and this woman in a holy head lock.

Bell rings

Not yet! Marriage is a blessed stoat, trained by Bernie Smith to perform unnatural sex acts at parties, and is not to be entered into lightly. Now, do you, Garry Sock, take this woman to be your awfully welded Y fronts. For rich and for Paula, for Betty and her nurse. In sex classes and in the heats. From this day forward march one, two, three, four halt. As long as you bath your pig.

Garry

Pardon?

Minister

I do.

Garry

You do what?

Minister

You say "I do".

Garry

I say you do. I get it, it's a game. I say and you do. Alright. I say, stick your head down your trousers. Go on.

Minister

O, we'll take it as read.

Natasha

Da.

Minister

No Natasha. Not yet.

Natasha

No, not net; da.

Minister

O shut up. Do you Natasha Merillsnapyourneckoff, take this man to have and to hold...

Natasha

Da.

Sound of Garry being crushed

Garry

Ohh! She's broken me back.

Minister

Er, in sickness and in health...

Garry

Ohh!

Minister

Yes, I think Natasha has amply demonstrated her attachment to Garry. So now, if anyone here knows of any just cause why the remainder of this man and this huge shipment of woman, should not be et cetera, et cetera, let them speak now. O, I'm sorry. They won't be able to speak now. They'll have to save it for the next wing ding of Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.