Garry Sock's Wedding (8/15)
Wed 10 September 1980
The Doctor, Dana and Dennis are in church to witness Dana's
brother Garry, tie the knot or his shoe laces
with his Russian fiancée, Natasha.
MUSIC: Wagner's Bridal Chorus
Ohh look Doctor, here she comes.
Sound of huge footsteps
Um, she's very, um ah statuesque. Isn't she?
Yes Dana, like Mount Rushmore.
Good on ya, Gazza. Give her one for me.
Spot on, Dad.
Shut up Garry; you too Dad.
Dearly blubbered. We are gathered here today, in the sight of
Bernie Smith, to join this man and this woman in a holy head lock.
Not yet! Marriage is a blessed stoat, trained by Bernie Smith
to perform unnatural sex acts at parties, and is not to be entered into
lightly. Now, do you, Garry Sock, take this woman to be your awfully welded Y
fronts. For rich and for Paula, for Betty and her nurse. In sex classes and in
the heats. From this day forward march one, two, three, four halt. As long as
you bath your pig.
You do what?
You say "I do".
I say you do. I get it, it's a game. I say and you do.
Alright. I say, stick your head down your trousers. Go on.
O, we'll take it as read.
No Natasha. Not yet.
No, not net; da.
O shut up. Do you Natasha Merillsnapyourneckoff, take this
man to have and to hold...
Sound of Garry being crushed
Ohh! She's broken me back.
Er, in sickness and in health...
Yes, I think Natasha has amply demonstrated her attachment to Garry. So now, if anyone here knows of any just cause why the remainder of this man and this huge shipment of woman, should not be et cetera, et cetera, let them speak now. O, I'm sorry. They won't be able to speak now. They'll have to save it for the next wing ding of Dr Poo-oo!
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.
Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.