Episode 324
Garry Sock's Wedding (9/15)
Thu 11 September 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

This here episode thing, gang, brings you the penultimate matrimonial moment in the wedding of Garry Sock, ex army tank and Natasha Merillsnapyourneckoff; Russian Olympic tractor thrower at St Neville's United Church of Not Taking Religion Too Seriously, in the suburb of Fibro Park West, right here in your home town...

Minister

All right, settle down. We haven't finished yet. And now, as you will remember, yesterday we were up to the part where I say - If anyone here can show just cause et cetera, et cetera. Let them speak now or forever hold their et ceteras.

Sound of chickens clucking

Ah no. O good. Ah Garry, do you have the ring?

Garry

No, I'm still reading The Hobbit.

(Someone slaps Garry)

But I'm almost finished though.

(Someone slaps him again)

Minister

All right, who has the ring?

Dana

I've seen the film.

Dr Poo

I've got a copy of it in the Turdis.

Dana

What the film?

Dr Poo

No, the book.

Minister

Well go and get it.

Dr Poo

Ok. I won't be a cattle tick.

Kevin

And in the eyeing of a bat lid.

Dr Poo

I'm sorry, I was wrong. I haven't got a copy of The Ring. What I've got is a copy of The Hobbit. It's a damn good read though. Not at all hobbit forming. Ha ha.

Garry

No thanks, I'm still reading The Hobbit.

(Someone slaps Garry)

But I'm almost finished.

(Someone slaps him again)

Ow!

Dana

I've seen the film.

Dr Poo

Of The Hobbit?

Dana

No not The Hobbit The Ring.

Guests

O very nice, o yes...

Minister

Shut up! What I'm looking for is the little round eighteen carat gold wedding ring.

Garry

O that. I gave that to the little denim cat in the leather tuxedo, to mind.

Dr Poo

Denis!

Denis

Meow.

Dr Poo

The ring, Denis. It's supposed to go on Natasha's finger.

Denis

Meow.

Natasha

Da.

Minister

I now pronounce you, cat and wife.

Dr Poo

No don't. Denis, give the ring to Garry.

Denis

Meow.

Garry

Tah.

Minister

I now pronounce you man and cat.

Dr Poo

No, no Garry, you give the ring to Natasha. Right.

Minister

I now pronounce you, You. I used to pronounce it, yo-oo but that was before I got speech therapy from Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.