Episode 386
Chinese Checkers (1/23)
Mon 8 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

Hey kids, here's a great game that will keep you amused for hours on your end. At the sound of the buzzer, quickly glue these words - from, his, his, from, his, his, spittoon - into the following introduction. Dr Poo is speeding away

Buzz - BUZZ

home planet Galah Fee. Having made good

Buzz

escape

Buzz - BUZZ

most feared adversary

BUZz

wife Constance

Buzz

Sound of spitting into spittoon

Dr Poo

(Shouting)

Now hear this. All hands on deck. No, cut the deck, make that bridge and clubs are trumps for a snap inspection.

(Laughs)

Snap! I win.

Dana

You're in a wistful mood, Doctor.

Dr Poo

O you're here. Good. I don't have to shout into this plastic cup anymore.

Dana

What's the beef, Chief?

Dr Poo

Roll call, Dana. Ham and custard?

Dana

Here.

Dr Poo

Piano tuna and salad?

Kevin

Here.

Dr Poo

Best actor in a supporting?

Dana

Ah, oh, um... Here.

Dr Poo

Don't try and cover for him Dana. All right Denis, where are you?

Dana

He's that little pile of ashes.

Denis

Meow.

Dr Poo

Denis! You're out of uniform

Dana

He got kind of, ah, cremated in your wifey pooh's microwave. Remember?

Dr Poo

That's no reason for him to turn up on parade in that slovenly attire. Denis, don't let it happen again.

Dana

Doctor, I'll cut up some of my old jeans and sew him back to his former self.

Dr Poo

Alright, but make it quack.

Dana

How?

Dr Poo

Put a beak on it. Now I have reason to believe that my Archduke Ferdinand enemy, Dr Wee, is plotting to gain complete dominion over the entire universe.

Dana

Oo, how do you know?

Dr Poo

O, I bumped into him the other day in the supermarket and he happened to mention it. Looks like it's going to be a jolly good bang up show.

Telephone rings

Dana

Hello, yes. Kevin, it's for you.

Kevin

O thanks Dana. Ah, hello. Mmm. Hang on, I'll just write this down. Please announce the end of this episode of Dr... could you spell that last word please...P,O,O,O,O,O,O,O...!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.