Episode 387
Chinese Checkers (2/23)
Tue 9 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

There is a plan to destroy the universe, a copy of which and a one in five scale model of the proposed destruction is now on display at your local council office. Any objection to the plan must be lodged in a quiet seaside hotel within fourteen days. Bedouin and breakfast included.

Dr Poo

I wonder what Dr Wee has got up his sleeve this time?

Dana

His arm?

Dr Poo

For your sake I didn't hear that, Dana.

Dana

I said, his arm?

Dr Poo

Great bogs in heaven! Why didn't I leave you with your retarded family back on Earth?

Dana

O no, I couldn't live with them. They kept making stupid jokes all the time.

Dr Poo

Your whole family is a stupid joke.

Dana

Well it's all Mum and Dad's fault.

Dr Poo

What did they do?

Dana

They met each other. Then after that, they met me and my brothers and sisters and we all met each other, and then we met the dog and then it all went from there.

Dr Poo

I suppose with all of you living in the same house, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Dana

Well you know how it is. You bump into someone on the way to the bathroom and strike up a conversation and lo and behold it turns out he's your brother and you're his sister and we introduce each other to the dog again. It's a small world in my family.

Dr Poo

I don't believe this.

Dana

And now it's under threat.

Dr Poo

O good.

Dana

But when we went down to the council to have a look at the plans for the destruction of the universe and would you believe it; it goes right through our house.

Dr Poo

That's Dr Wee's fault.

Dana

No it's not. It's Dad's.

Dr Poo

How do you figure that?

Dana

He knew the land was zoned for universal destruction years ago but he insisted on building there.

Dr Poo

Yes, well it's always the little people who suffer when the universe gets destroyed.

Dana

Yeah, but I guess you can't stand in the way of progress.

Dr Poo

Negative Dana. We must stop him.

Dana

My Dad?

Dr Poo

No, Dr Wee.

Dana

Oh, I don't know Dr Wee. He never lived in our house.

Dr Poo

Dr Wee, Dana, is the evil genius who's hell bent on making the universe go all, ooh, yucky.

Dana

O that Dr Wee. I thought you were talking about the Dr Wee I didn't know.

Kevin

That's our Dana. She can't relate to anyone she hasn't met on the way to the bathroom or on the way to the next episode of Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.