Episode 388
Chinese Checkers (3/23)
Wed 10 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

And now here it is. A clay impression of the video cassette, of the paperback, of the smoke signal, of the oily film, of the same name of the umpire hunch back. Three hours of mind numbing reminiscences by eighty six year old cricket umpire Tom "No balls" Stumpfondler. Thrill to the magical special effects. You'll really believe you're right there beside him watching the saliva dribble down his chin, as he bends to pick up his false teeth from the pitch.

Stumpfondler

I remember the first test in '26 when...Ow!

Replay

Howzat!

Dr Poo

Dana, turn down that damn newspaper. I'm trying to fill out this rooster.

Dana

Sorry.

Dr Poo

That's better.

Dana

What are you filling out?

Dr Poo

It's our work rooster for the next few days.

Rooster

Buck, buck, buck.

Dr Poo

Hold still you dumb cluck.

Rooster

Baa.

Dr Poo

You see Dana, I've etched our names on the inside of its beak and painted the days of the week on its knees. So, um, every time it kicks itself in the teeth, we'll change watch. You're on first watch.

Dana

Oh! When will the rooster kick itself in the teeth next, Doctor?

Dr Poo

O, in about a couple of hours or so.

Dana

Okay.

Dr Poo

Right. Now to fart our shite plan. Erh, park our frypan. Oh, chart our flight plan. Out with the old Gregory's shart pack, arh, star chart. Denis, camp yourself up on that top corner, would you?

Denis

Meow. Mee mee mee

Dr Poo

All right. I can do without the poofy cat impression, thank you. Now let's see, if we go up the Milky Freeway, turn right up the Frilly Garter Asteroid Belt. O no, that's one way, isn't it. I know, we'll take the Big Bang By Pass, hang a left at the Crab Nebula palm and if the supernovas aren't against us, should be there before it gets dark.

Kevin

O look, the rooster's kicked itself in the teeth. What a cock up. It had better pull itself together for the next poultry show of Dr

(Cluck )

Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.