Episode 389
Chinese Checkers (4/23)
Thu 11 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

Our fearless Doctor has a sultana with fate, a couple of prunes with nemesis and a date with destiny. And so he's raisin through the heavens at the spud of light to keep his awful rendezvous.

Dana

Doctor, why are we keeping this awful rendezvous. Its cage is really smelly and its fur's coming out all over the carpet.

Dr Poo

I keep it for sentimental reasons Dana. My mother gave me this rendezvous just before she crouched on the grand piano and went wicky wacky fip, for the last time. Whenever I look at this old rendezvous of mine, I think of Mum.

Dana

Was she smelly too, was she?

Dr Poo

No, but her fur used to come out all over the carpet.

Denis

Meow.

Dr Poo

Are the rooster's kicked itself in the teeth has it, Denis? That means we must almost be there.

Dana

How will we know when we've arrived Doctor?

Dr Poo

O when we start making forty thousand a year and get to appear on television every other day.

Denis

Meow.

Dr Poo

Oh in the paper are we? Let's see.

Dana

Wow whee!

Dr Poo

Ah, Lazlo Woffle's social column. Oo look Dana here it is...

Dana

Ooo.

Dr Poo

Spotted, arriving at the Horses Arse Nebula last night with a date with destiny, was one of the universe's most eligible bachelors, the suave and debonair Doctor Pog. Oh dear. Accompanied by his beautiful assistant Dana Skunk...

Dana

Eh?

Dr Poo

...and a large denim rat called Denis.

Denis

Meoow!

Dr Poo

Doctor Pog is rumoured to be in town to do battle with the evil Doctor Wee and save the universe from destruction. All proceeds will go to charity. Hm, that's what he thinks. Stupid parasite journalist. Why can't they ever spell our nimes cerroctly.

Dana

Well at least we know where we are.

Dr Poo

Yes but where is Dr Wee?

There is a knock at the door

Ah ha.

Door is opened

Mother?

Kevin

No but close.

Dr Poo

Kevin, it's you. You had me worried.

Kevin

Yes but don't forget, worry takes the closeness out of being Mum to Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.