Episode 391
Chinese Checkers (6/23)
Mon 15 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

After the usual pre-adventure frigging around, Doctors Poo and Wee are now getting down to the knitting gritty of the proposed destruction of the universe.

Dr Poo

Well Wee, I've been pouring over these plans of yours for the last few hours and naturally the inks run a bit, so could you fill me in on ah, the bit about you reducing the universe to the size of a peewit, ah pea Wee?

Dr Wee

Okie dokie Poo. Ho well, firstly I have built diabolical machine that duplicate a wave pattern of baked potatoes. I broadcast it through the universe, universe put on loads of weight, and in next to no time I'm just down the road from immediate, universe corrapse in on itself. O ho ho ho.

Dana

Oo ah.

Dr Poo

Shut up Dana, I'll handle this. Oo ah. You realise of course, Wee, that it's my duty to put the moccasins on this inscrutable scheme of yours.

Dr Wee

Don't make me raugh Poo.

Dr Poo

O you should have said. In that case I'll take off this ridiculous revolving bow tie. Damn thing kept blowing the soup out of my spoon.

Dr Wee

Now I gest ya hypnotacarry you not see me disappear. Abracadabra allakhazam, two bowls of noodles and a leg of ham.

(Dr Wee tries to open panel)

Ho bugger! Secret sliding panel stuck. It work alright in rehearsal.

Dr Poo

What's the matter Wee?

Dr Wee

Um, where is your front door?

Dr Poo

Next to the broom cupboard.

Dr Wee

Ho beauty bottler. Now close your eyes, so you not see how I make secret mystical get away.

Poo & Dana

OK.

Dr Wee

No peeking.

Dr Poo

Yes I know Peking quite well, actually.

Dr Wee

Shud up!

Sound of footsteps and then door is opened and we hear Wee being entangled in the broom cupboard. Wee then comes out.

Bruddy broom closet!

Then for the next ten seconds we hear sound of footsteps receding and then the front door is opened

Dr Poo

These instantaneous get a ways seem to get longer and longer.

Kevin

And the longer they lengthen the lesser we linger to work out the whether you spit on your finger, or on Dr

(Sound of spitting)

Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.