Episode 392
Chinese Checkers (7/23)
Tue 16 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

Hi Poo gang. This is your fiendish Dr Wee plot to destroy the universe correspondent, reporting to you from the Horses Arse Nebula. As far as I can tell at the moment everything is, but not for long, as Dr Wee gets set to start up his baked potato wave transmitter. Which will make the universe put on weight.

Dr Poo

We're in trouble Dana. If the universe gets too fat, it will collapse in on itself, and knowing the bio of some parts of the universe, that will be none too pleasant.

Dana

What really clever thing you going to do then Doctor?

Dr Poo

Well, I'll get out the old time and space scissors, cut around the outline of the Turdis and detach it from the universe so it won't be affected.

Dana

But how is that going to save everything?

Dr Poo

Um, well, um, by doing that Dana, you see, um that means that I'll be able to eh well keep a sort of eye on everything. As it were.

Dana

Oh look at that chubby asteroid going past the window.

Dr Poo

Great bogs in heaven, it's started. Denis?

Denis

Meow.

Dr Poo

Have you got your spacesuit on?

Denis

Meow.

Dana

O isn't he cute in his little ripple soled space boots and his rocket belt.

Dr Poo

Denis, take these time and space scissors and get out there quick!

Denis

Meoww.

(Denis leaves the Turdis)

Dr Poo

Right. My Bernie Smith, it's getting worse.

Dana

look at Uranus.

Dana

Eh, how?

Dr Poo

It's swollen to twice its normal size.

Dana

Arhh! Quick Doctor, do something.

Dr Poo

Dr Poo to EVA Cat. Do you read me?

Denis

Reow.

Dr Poo

You don't. So that's why my novels aren't selling. Now listen, Denis. Do you see the dotted line around the Turdis?

Denis

Meoww.

Dr Poo

Well cut along it with the scissors but don't tear the flimsy fabric of time and space. One or two loose threads and the whole thing will come unravelled. Over and out.

Denis

Meow.

Kevin

Ground control to Major Tomcat. Your budgie's deaf, there's something wrong. He's been hearing Dr Poo, he's been hearing Dr Poo. He's been hearing Dr Poo-oo!

End titles

(Doug Mulray gives reminder that the album Knees Ahoy went on sale yesterday. It is out in time for Christmas.)



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.