Episode 393
Chinese Checkers (8/23)
Wed 17 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

Well gang, loosen your belts and undo your top buttons because Dr Wee is making everything in the universe go fat. Meanwhile, Dr Poo in an urgent act of selfish defence, is detaching the Turdis from the afore mentioned tubby universe by cutting it out with time and space scissors.

Dr Poo

Well actually Kevin, it's not me doing the actual cutting. Actually it's your actual denim cat who's out there performing the actual act of cessation. If I went out there I'd be directly exposed to Dr Wee's baked potato wave and

(Chuckles)

I have to watch my figure, you know.

There's a knock at the door

Gracious me, what's that blimp doing out there?

Dana

That's Denis, Doctor. He wants to come in.

Denis

Meowrr.

Dr Poo

Not on your life support system. He's enormous.

Dana

Well he's putting on so much weight.

Dr Poo

He's not putting it on, Dana. That's for real. Hello, Denis.

Denis

Meowrr.

Dr Poo

Denis, um, I'm afraid, ah, Dana refuses to let you back in.

Dana

What!

Dr Poo

She's says, at your present size, if you made a mess, we would all have to move in upstairs with Eugene Caruthers.

Dana

Oo fib.

Dr Poo

Shut up! But don't worry fatso, ah, I mean Denis. You've done a gland problem, err, grand job and I think it's very big of you.

Denis

Meoww.

Dr Poo

Ten four, roll over and bloat, um over and out.

Denis

Meow.

Dana

Hey Doctor, how come we're not getting fat?

Dr Poo

The Turdis isn't part of the universe anymore, Dana. Thanks to the four legged beach ball that's looking fatefully in through the window.

Denis

Meow.

Dana

Oh Doctor, what can we do? The whole universe is going to become unsightly and gross and never dare to wear a bikini again.

Dr Poo

Well Dana, I've got a two planned prong, ah, two pronged plan. Prong one; I'm going to put the entire universe on a crash diet and exercise program. Prong two I'm going to have lunch and then sit in front of the television for three hours.

Dana

What about a prong for me?

Kevin

Sorry Dana, you'll have to wait 'til the next exciting revelation of Dr Poo's pronggg...

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.