Episode 394
Chinese Checkers (9/23)
Thu 18 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

Is the universe too fat, too fat, too fat. Yes it is because Dr Wee's dreaded baked potato wave transmitter is making everything go gluggo.

Dramatic music

A gong sounds and background noise of a laboratory)

Dr Wee

Haw haw, universe get vely fat and now have to place one chair under each buttock to sit down. Aha. First part of plan complete.

Won Lung

Excuse me Master.

Dr WeE

What news Won Lung?

Won Lung

Our spy inside a Turdis tell us that Dr Poo has put universe on clash diet and vigorous exercise program.

Dr Wee

So, he play right into my hand. Ho, Won Lung remove a pointy Chinese hat so I can finish this scene.

Won Lung

No Master. No!

Sound of gong

Ohhhh!

Kevin

A spy in the Turdis? I don't believe it. Where, where, where?

Dr Poo

Kevin, what are you doing in the ant farm?

Kevin

I'm looking for the spy.

Dr Poo

A spy in my ant farm? Don't be ridiculous. These ants are fiercely loyal Kevin. They all have security clearances and besides that, I had their eyes put out so they can't see anything anyway.

Kevin

Keep your voice down Doctor, they are listening.

Dr Poo

Don't be stupid. Go away.

Dana

Well Doctor, I'm ready.

Dr Poo

O good. Arh ha ha. Dana, what's that?

Dana

It's my sports tunic.

Dr Poo

Oh dear really. But why do you have a parachute on each leg?

Dana

They're my bloomers.

Dr Poo

O they'll have to do. Now start calling the exercises into this wave generator which will beam "get thin" vibrations throughout the universe.

Dana

Oh right. All you planets and stars and nebulas and things, come on, on your feet. And running on the spot. One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two. Get those knees up. Higher. Get them up you lazy planets.

Kevin

Knees up Mother earth and train your thoughts, exercise your judgement and stop listening to Dr Poo-oo!

End titles

(Doug Mulray promotes album Knees Ahoy.)



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.