Chinese Checkers (9/23)
Thu 18 December 1980
Is the universe too fat, too fat, too fat. Yes it is because
Dr Wee's dreaded baked potato wave transmitter is making everything go gluggo.
A gong sounds and background noise of a laboratory)
Haw haw, universe get vely fat and now have to place one
chair under each buttock to sit down. Aha. First part of plan complete.
Excuse me Master.
What news Won Lung?
Our spy inside a Turdis tell us that Dr Poo has put universe
on clash diet and vigorous exercise program.
So, he play right into my hand. Ho, Won Lung remove a pointy
Chinese hat so I can finish this scene.
No Master. No!
Sound of gong
A spy in the Turdis? I don't believe it. Where, where, where?
Kevin, what are you doing in the ant farm?
I'm looking for the spy.
A spy in my ant farm? Don't be ridiculous. These ants are
fiercely loyal Kevin. They all have security clearances and besides that, I had
their eyes put out so they can't see anything anyway.
Keep your voice down Doctor, they are listening.
Don't be stupid. Go away.
Well Doctor, I'm ready.
O good. Arh ha ha. Dana, what's that?
It's my sports tunic.
Oh dear really. But why do you have a parachute on each leg?
They're my bloomers.
O they'll have to do. Now start calling the exercises into
this wave generator which will beam "get thin" vibrations throughout the
Oh right. All you planets and stars and nebulas and things,
come on, on your feet. And running on the spot. One, two. One, two. One, two.
One, two. Get those knees up. Higher. Get them up you lazy planets.
Knees up Mother earth and train your thoughts, exercise your
judgement and stop listening to Dr Poo-oo!
(Doug Mulray promotes album Knees Ahoy.)
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.
Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.