Episode 395
Chinese Checkers (10/23)
Fri 19 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

The flabby old universe is really working up a sweat under the rigorous exercise program of gym mistress, Dana Sock.

Dana

Who told you I was Jim's mistress?

Kevin

It's in all the papers, Dana.

Dana

Ooah, scandal. I'll never be able to go out with Prince Charles again.

Kevin

That's all right. He's going out with Jim too!

Dana

Oh lies, lies.

Dr Poo

Dana, Dana, Dana. I've just had a phone call to the Queen of England. She says you're not to see Prince Charles ever again.

Dana

Why not?

Dr Poo

She's decided this Jim fellow would make a much better Queen.

Dana

Oh, I suppose that means I can't be gym mistress anymore. Ok universe, stop exercising. Off to the showers.

Dr Poo

O no Dana, you can't stop now. Dr Wee's baked potato machine is still saturating the universe with fat waves. Just a few more hours of exercise and we'll have the universe back to its trim athletic self once more.

Dana

Doctor, why don't you just transport the universe forward to the day after Christmas?

Dr Poo

What good would that do?

Dana

Well, everything's reduced after Christmas!

(Dr Poo slaps Dana)

Ow! Ok universe, on your feet and deep knee bends. One, two, three. One, two, three...

Dr Poo

While Dana's doing that I'll just...

There is a knock at the door

Denis

Meoww.

Dr Poo

Shut up you denim hippo and do your exercises with the rest of the universe. You're not coming back inside until you shed all that unsightly excess lard.

Denis

Reow.

Dr Poo

Now where was I?

Kevin

Just here Doctor.

Dr Poo

Thanks Kevin. Now to speed up this celestial slimming scheme, I'll create a huge galactic sauna by activating my naughty X rated Swedish steam cyclotron.

Sound of cyclotron being turned on

It must be hot out there AND naughty.

Knock at the door

Denis

Meoww, meow.

Kevin

Bizarre, shock, horror. Prince Charles caught nude in X rated Swedish topless tobacconist , with twelve year old herring called Jim. Read all around it in tomorrows editions of the Daily Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.