Episode 396
Chinese Checkers (11/23)
Mon 22 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

Hey Poo people. Are you still riding around on that clapped out old granny? Dangerously worn tread on the slippers, faulty exhaust and a funny knocking sound on the rear end. Well trade in that old bomb at Honest Kevin's New and Used Granny Yard. Take your pick of luxurious American grannies, sporty continental grannies or the economical compact Japanese granny. Yes, Honest Kevin, number one on the magic mile of grannies.

Sound of X rated cyclotron

Dr Poo

Leaping lavatories Dana. This Swedish X rated cyclotron has saved the universe from a fat worse than death.

Dana

Now it's trim, taut and terrific.

Dr Poo

Yes, we've foiled Dr Wee's "Make the Universe Get Disgustingly Fat" Plan. Ah ha, ha.

Telephone rings and Dr Poo answers

Dr Poo, registered saviour of the universe and all round clever dick speaking.

Dr Wee

Not so fast a Poo.

Dr Poo

Sorry.

(Then speaks very slowly)

D r P o o, r e g i s t e r e d s a v i o u r...

Dr Wee

Shut up to me.

Dr Poo

Ah ha. A bit testy are we, Wee? Just because my galactic sauna is counter acting your baked potato waves and putting pay to your plot to make the universe so fat, it collapses in on itself.

Dr Wee

Arh, it look like you too clever for me Poo. So I just turn off my diabolical machine. Ok?

Dana

Doctor, what's that sound?

Dr Poo

I don't know. Unless, great bogs in heaven! O no.

Dr Wee

O yes a Poo. You make a universe so weak and thin, it faint and corrapse in on itself anyway.

Sound of universe collapsing. POP!!

I win.

Dr Poo

You fiend Wee.

Dr Wee

Ah this is what you get for being good guy, Poo and going a round lighting wongs wherever you find them.

Dr Poo

Lighting Wongs? I've never set fire to a Chinaman in my life. Well, just the once. And I also once served a very hot curry to Lee Kuan Yewww...

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.