Chinese Checkers (11/23)
Mon 22 December 1980
Hey Poo people. Are you still riding around on that clapped
out old granny? Dangerously worn tread on the slippers, faulty exhaust and a
funny knocking sound on the rear end. Well trade in that old bomb at Honest
Kevin's New and Used Granny Yard. Take your pick of luxurious American
grannies, sporty continental grannies or the economical compact Japanese
granny. Yes, Honest Kevin, number one on the magic mile of grannies.
Sound of X rated cyclotron
Leaping lavatories Dana. This Swedish X rated cyclotron has
saved the universe from a fat worse than death.
Now it's trim, taut and terrific.
Yes, we've foiled Dr Wee's "Make the Universe Get
Disgustingly Fat" Plan. Ah ha, ha.
Telephone rings and Dr Poo answers
Dr Poo, registered saviour of the universe and all round
clever dick speaking.
Not so fast a Poo.
(Then speaks very slowly)
D r P o o, r e g i s t e r e d s a v i o u r...
Shut up to me.
Ah ha. A bit testy are we, Wee? Just because my galactic
sauna is counter acting your baked potato waves and putting pay to your plot to
make the universe so fat, it collapses in on itself.
Arh, it look like you too clever for me Poo. So I just turn
off my diabolical machine. Ok?
Doctor, what's that sound?
I don't know. Unless, great bogs in heaven! O no.
O yes a Poo. You make a universe so weak and thin, it faint
and corrapse in on itself anyway.
Sound of universe collapsing. POP!!
You fiend Wee.
Ah this is what you get for being good guy, Poo and going a
round lighting wongs wherever you find them.
Lighting Wongs? I've never set fire to a Chinaman in my life. Well, just the once. And I also once served a very hot curry to Lee Kuan Yewww...
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.
Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.