Episode 397
Chinese Checkers (12/23)
Tue 23 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

Wow we Poo fans, I'm shocked and incoherent. Through his evil machinations, evil Dr Wee has machinated the universe down to the size of a jaffa. How could this ever possibly have possibly ever however possibly ever have possibly happened? How?

Dana

Well Kevin, it was all the Doctor's fault. When Dr Wee tried to make everything go fat, the Doctor put the universe on a strict diet and training program. But he over did it and the universe got really thin and fainted.

Dr Poo

Shut up Dana, you're supposed to be shocked and incoherent.

Dana

Oh, why can't I be articulate and blasé once in a while?

(Dr Poo slaps Dana)

Ow!

Dr Poo

That's why. Now get back to that dumb, cretinous stereotype that the audience expects of you.

Dana

Oh Doctor, what has happened to the universe?

(Whispering to Dr Poo)

How's that?

Dr Poo

(Whispering to Dana)

Fine!

Well Dana, it's all that evil Dr Wee's fault. When he tried to make everything go fat, I put the universe on a strict diet and training program but over did it, and the universe got really thin and fainted.

Dana

That's what I said.

Dr Poo

Yes but you said it was my fault.

Knock at the door

Denis

Meoww.

Dr Poo

Thundering thunderboxes, Denis! I sent him outside to detach the Turdis from the universe. Forgotten all about the stupid little sod. He, he he.

Denis

Meoww, meow.

Continues to knock at the door

Dana

I'll let him in.

Opens the door

Denis?

Denis

Meow.

Dana

Oh look, a little denim beetle. I'll squash it

Dana squashes DeniS

Denis

Meow...

Dana

Oo yuck! All over my trendy orthopaedic gum boots.

Dr Poo

Dana, I think that was Denis you just scrunched.

Dana

Ooah. Will he be all right? He looks very dead.

Dr Poo

He is dead, Dana but I'll just check his service manual. Let's see, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven and that makes eight. Oh it's all right; he's got one more life to go.

Knock at the door and Dr Poo opens the door

Delivery Man

Cat Life Delivery Service. Are you the people for the small number nine?

Dr Poo

Yes thank you.

Delivery Man

Ah, just sign here.

Dr Poo

Er, that my receipt?

Delivery Man

No, I just collected the autograph of Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.