Episode 398
Chinese Checkers (13/23)
Wed 24 December 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

Hey everyone, feeling hemmed in and claustrophobic? That's because Dr Wee has compressed the universe down to the size of a jaffa.

Sound of a gong

Dr Wee

Ho, a now I have entire universe in the palm of hand. Except for Dr Poo and his Turdis. But no worry, I fix his little red wagon.

Telephone rings

Hurro. Ho, it you my friend. How are things aboard Turdis? Ho, very interesting. And others do not suspect that you are working as spy for me? Good. Maintain surveillance until further instruction. Hasta la vista and horigua amigo.

Won Lung

Hey Master.

Dr Wee

What Won Lung?

Won Lung

How come you say all that foreign stuff at end of phone call?

Dr Wee

Me being cosmopolitan you ignorant twit. We hope to sell this show to ethnic radio.

Won Lung

Fat chance. It full of bratant racism.

Dr Wee

Huh, what you know you dumb chink. Now a where I put universe?

Won Lung

Here in a test tube, Master.

Dr Wee

Beauty bonsai, Won Lung. Now hide it quickry, Dr Poo be here in a minute.

Door is opened

Dr Poo

Ah ha, Wee at last we meet again.

Dr Wee

I said in a minute.

Dr Poo

Oh sorry. Hold on to something soft and furry. How did Wee know I was coming? I mean, no. How did I know I was coming, er Wee was coming? Sorry, we were coming, er going on our holidays. Were we? O how nice. What we did on our holidays, ah his holidays. Lucky blighter, I never get any holidays.

Kevin

Neither does the spy.

Dr Poo

What spy Kevin?

Kevin

The one in the Turdis who tells Dr Wee everything about that happens here.

Dr Poo

Oh, everything?

Dana

Even what I do when I...

Kevin

Yes.

Dr Poo

And about me in the bath?

Dana

'Fraid so.

Denis

Meow.

Kevin

O yes Denis, especially that.

Denis

Meow.

Kevin

And worse than that, he even knows when I'm going to say, Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.