Chinese Checkers (15/23)
Fri 26 December 1980
Dearly belooved, here is a special announcement. I am Kevin
the Announcer, at this point in the history of the Dr Poo radio serial, I would
like to say with complete and underfelt sincerity; HELP
(Sound of Kevin trying to get out of a box)
LET ME OUT! HELP! Thank you.
Sound of a gong
So my diminutive oriental antagonist; now that you've shrunk
the universe down to the size of a marble, what do you in ten words or less, to
do with it?
Ah well, a you see, rast time I play Chinese checkers with my
assistant, Won Lung, he get a bit toey cause I always win. So he grab one of my
marbles and stick it up his nose.
The dirty little beast.
So I need a replacement and ah, universe handy.
Well fair enough Wee. But I doubt whether it's really part of
Bernie Smith's divine plan for the universe to end up as a marble in a game of
Oh well I'm not going to use Won Lung's nose.
Hmm, good point.
Knock at the door
Hey, ray off.
O sorry Wee.
Door is opened
Doctor? Ohh, it's Dr Wee.
Hey, how come Dr Wee's pee pong pal, is on the other side of
the front door of the Turdis?
You see Dana, when Wee here, er that is he Wee not we as in
me and you and Wee too but not we two just him...
Wee & Dana
Aw get on with it.
Well when he shrank the universe to the size of a marble; all
the spaces between things disappeared. So then there was nothing between us.
Well that's what you say.
What are you here for Dana?
Denis and I found out who the spy in the Turdis is. Eugene
We taped electrodes to his genitals. It started out as a game
but then he got carried away and confessed everything.
Yes, well Eugene always had a sensitive part. Not like mine which only gets bigger at the end when I shove my marbles up my nose and cry Dr Poo-oo!
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.
Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.