Episode 401
Chinese Checkers (16/23)
Mon 29 December 1980

Opening titles

KEVIN

Hi there, Poo glisteners. As you may nose putty, Dr Wee has zapped the universe down to the size of an alligator's gallstone. The heroic, but hasn't got his own Tonight Show, Dr Poo, backed up to the heart of the ridge by Dana and Denis, confronts Dr Wee and makes his demands.

DR POO

All right, Wee. I demand a complete set of musical rubber cheese knives, another left nostril, and my own Tonight Show.

DR WEE

The cheese knives and a nostril, no probs. But your own Tonight Show, you must be off your locker! No-one arow you on terevision in a blue fit!

DR POO

Is that your final word, Wee?

DR WEE

Hold on, let me see.

(CHECKS script)

Oh no, look, me got lots of words here and more words here, and - woarr - what's this word? Ah, Doctor Poo, how you say 'aluminium' in chinese accent?

DR POO

Well, I suppose it would be a sort of 'arumaninium'...

DANA

No, no - it's more like, 'arunumin', er, 'a rolly yum yum', er no, 'a rolly nim nim, yum'

DENIS

Meow, meow... 'meow, meow'... mew, mew...

(Everyone speaks at once, trying out pronunciations)

DR WEE

Risten, risten everyone, I got it! 'A room with a view'.

(Everyone delighted - Oh, yes, etc.)

Everyone

(Sings)

A room with a view, and you, and...

KEVIN

But meanwhile, let's cross back to this episode.

DR POO

Well Dr Wee, since you refuse to meet my demands, I have no alternative but - to destroy the universe.

DR WEE

What?

DR POO

Er, no - you will destroy the universe. What am I saying?

DANA

I'll destroy the universe if it'll help?

DENIS

Meow, meow.

DR POO

Oh, shut up and let me think...

DR WEE

Look, how about I just give a universe back?

DR POO

Oh no you don't Wee, except behind a wall. You're not going to wriggle out of it that easily.

KEVIN

That's right he ain't, because he's not using Kevin the Announcer's Miracle Carabu Grease. Apply liberally all over your antlers and you can wriggle out of anything, including the vice-like grip of the next eeeeepisode of Dr Poo-ooo!

END TITLES



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Kevin from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.