Episode 402
Chinese Checkers (17/23)
Tue 30 December 1980

Opening titles

KEVIN

Dr Wee has refused to meet Dr Poo's demands, which I think is very rude (but then Wee is the villain, after all) and the universe, which he has miniturised to the size of a marble, is in his possession. Mind you, he has offered to give it back, but Poo's refused, which I think is very stupid (but then, Poo is the hero, after all).

DR WEE

Hokay, how about we do a swap? I give you universe, if you give me something small and round that I can use in my Chinese Checkers set!

DANA

How about this?

DR POO

Good grief, what is it?

DANA

It's Eugene Caruther's glass eye. It popped out when Denis and I put 40,000 volts through his thingies.

DR POO

Oh, how thoughtful of him. There you go, Wee.

DR WEE

Ho, wacko overdid! Won-Lung?

WON LUNG

Yes, O venterated one?

DR WEE

Bling me the universe!

WON LUNG

Bit tricky, chief!

DR WEE

What you mean?

WON LUNG

Me stick universe up my nose.

DR WEE

Why?

WON LUNG

Because it was there.

DR WEE

You dumb cruck. Put on these wet socks -

Squelch

- these wet underpants -

Squelch

- this wet jumper and a baraclava -

Squelch

Now, cry into this wet nun's habit.

WON LUNG

But I get cold! Brrrr.

DR WEE

That whole idea, dummy. Now sit in this bath full of ice-cream.

WON LUNG

Brrrrr. Ah, ah, ah, ah... choo!

Zing!

DR POO

There it goes! Quick, grab it! Ah, don't let it roll under the fridge! Hurry up! Oh, blast. Where did the damn thing go?

DANA

Under the fridge.

DR POO

Oh well, that's it. You win some, you lose some.

DANA

But that's the universe!

DR POO

I'm not lifting a heavy fridge.

DENIS

Meow.

DR POO

Yes, and Denis has his back problem.

DANA

Well it doesn't say anything about lifting fridges in my contract.

DR POO

Well we'll have to get in some professional fridge lifters, then.

DR WEE

O no, no, I'll tell you what. I'll gesture hypnotically, and a-revetate a fridge off ground!

Magical HARP sound effect

KEVIN

And that's all we have time for.

DR WEE

What? You expect me to keep fridge levetated off ground all the time til next episode of Dr Poo?

KEVIN

Yes!

END TITLES



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Kevin from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.