Episode 403
Chinese Checkers (18/23)
Wed 31 December 1980

Opening titles

KEVIN

If you've been getting the inexplicable feeling that there are giant cockroaches walking all over the sky, it's because the universe has been shrunk to the size of a marble, and has rolled under the fridge in Dr Wee's Time and Space dunny. But since the end of our last episode, Dr Wee has been levitating the said fridge - said, 'flidge' - off the ground.

Magical HARP sound effect

DR WEE

Oooh! Hurry up and find universe before my mystical powers get hernia! Me not levitate this flidge forever, you know!

(Everyone speaks at once, looking for the universe)

DR POO

Ah, here it is, under this cockroach.

DR WEE

Ah, no, no - look out!

Falling, crashing sound

DR POO

Now, obviously, one of us has been squashed by the fridge, so I'm not going to read any further into the script in case it's me.

DANA

Oh, look, Doctor - your next line is "eeeuurggh".

DR POO

O is it? Well I'll just cross my name out, and put yours, Dana.

DANA

What! In that case I'll cross my name out, and write, um, Denis.

DENIS

Meow.

DANA

No, Denis, you can't borrow my pen. Now read this!

DENIS

Meow.

DR POO

Now look, Denis, someone has to be squashed by that fridge and, well, we'd like it to be you. Besides, if you don't, you won't get any yummo's for dinner.

DENIS

Mehow...

(AHEM)

Eeeuurggh!

(Everyone applauds appreciatively, O well done, etc)

DR WEE

Ho, your little pussy cat has been squashed by flidge!

DR POO

O well done, Sherlock Holmes.

DANA

Come on, Denis.

Squeak of Denis being pulled from under the fridge

DENIS

Meow.

DR WEE

But where is universe?

DENIS

Meow.

DANA

O look - those cockroaches are playing soccer with it!

DR POO

And one's going for a goal!

Football sounds. The roar of the crowd.

DANA

Shoot, man, shoot!

Kick

KEVIN

And it's a goal! Right under the bathroom door and into the next episode of Soccer Poo-oo!

END TITLES



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Kevin from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.