Episode 407
Chinese Checkers (22/23)
Tue 6 January 1981

Opening titles

KEVIN

As you may have noticed, the universe is no longer compressed down to the size of a ball baring north by northwest, one of my favourite movies - how about that scene when Cary Grant -

DR POO

Kevin!

KEVIN

Sorry, Doctor. As I was saying, you no longer have to share the lift with Jupiter or have asteroids wizzing around the roof of your mouth, and it's all because of Dr Wee's handy universe sweller! Only $4.99 at these selected outlets -

DR WEE

- Space Bladders, Rock and Curbies, Yak Hair Worths, and a Rugger-Rugger (something) Kiosk!

DANA

I'll have one, I'll have one!

DR POO

Shut up, Dana. Dr Wee only expanded the universe because he no longer needed a marble to complete his Chinese Checkers game.

DR WEE

Ah get off grass! It best reason in world to have universe size of marble. What you got against Chinese Checkers anyway?

DR POO

It's not that I'm a racist. I don't like any checkers. They all look the same to me.

DR WEE

Me not having you casting persians at Chinese Checkers! It greatest game of all!

DR POO

Yes but that still doesn't justify tampering with the very furry fabric of the universe.

DR WEE

Ah, that wishy good guy's thinking. Try and see things from a villain's point of view.

DR POO

Alright.

(Struggles into position)

Oh, I see what you mean. Wee, give me all of your money or I'll bludgeon you senseless with this stuffed otter.

DR WEE

Oh no, not a aluminium otter!

DR POO

Stop snivelling. All right everyone, up against the wall. Denis, empty your pockets.

DENIS

Meow.

Sound of lots of objects unloading, which continues throughout rest of episode

Dana

Doctor, aren't you getting a bit carried away with this thinking like a villain thing?

DR POO

As for you, my pretty, I have other plans. Ha ha ha ha.

DANA

Oh no, Doctor! Try and see things from my point of view!

DR POO

Alright.

(Struggles into position)

Oo-er.

DANA

He's gone all vancant. Look at that stupid expression on his face.

KEVIN

Well if he's vacant we'll have to rent him out so you could find anyone occupying the next episode of Dr Poo-oo!

End titles



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Kevin from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.