Kak-Ronald's (xiv)
August 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

What's the Mata Hari? I know. You're worried sick about our dear dumb Dana, spy extraordinaire. Who, disguised as mild mannered Donald Kak-Ronald robot clown 867, is on the evil planet Cack; headquarters of the hideous monolithic hamburger empire.

Dana

(Running)

Oh gee! You're sure got to be fit to be a spy nowadays. Ahh ohh. It's a good thing Denis jogs round the Turdis every morning for me. Otherwise, those robot clowns would have caught me already.

Donald Kak-Ronald 1

Do not move 867. I have caught you already.

Dana

That's what you think tin head. Cop this!

Sound of metal being destroyed

Donald Kak-Ronald 1

Eeeeh!

Dana

Ha! What a load of cheap junk.

Donald Kak-Ronald 2

Observe. There is the rogue robot. Destroy.

Robots

Destroy, destroy.

Dana

O yeah! Banzai.

Sounds of mass destruction

Cop that!

Kevin

As Dana entertains her little automated playmates; back on one of the Kak-Ronald's subsidiary planets, the Doctor organises a real clown troupe

(Clowns - General murmur and horns blowing)

Dr Poo

clowns. I've calculated that we can short circuit those cybernetic jesters by squirting water up their big red noses.

Clowns

Aw, good, yeah.

Denis

Meow, meow.

Dr Poo

Denis, what's happened?

Denis

Meow.

Dr Poo

A message from Dana. What is it?

Denis

Meow.

Dr Poo

What do you mean, there's postage to pay. O here.

(Money exchanges)

Now, what's the message?

Denis

Meow.

Dr Poo

Dana's been zapped off to the evil planet Cack. Which is the headquarters of the entire Kak-Ronald's conspiracy.

Clowns

Ooo!

Dr Poo

Come on clowns, into the Turdis.

Clowns

Yeah, yeah.

Kevin

Onward clownish soldiers, marching in big floppy feet as to war. With the unicycle of freedom going on before the next three ringed espionage of Dr Poo-oo!

END TITLES



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.