Kak-Ronald's (ii)
August 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

Hey gang, it's excitement plus the square root of tension minus a blob of jam on the bit of the script that says "the Turdis is in the grip of a Mr and Mrs Fine Force, which eminate from a shiny new hamburger planet."

Dr Poo

Stop it Turdis. Stop being sucked towards that planet. Heel, I say, heel. You naughty Turdis, don't you dare go near that planet. O it's no good Dana, the Turdis refuses to respond to my commands.

Dana

O dear and we're getting closer. Look on the vidi screen Doctor, the planet is orange and I'm wearing pink; we're going to clash.

Dr Poo

Hold on Dana, this won't be pretty.

Landing noise

Dana

O Doctor, we didn't clash after all.

Dr Poo

No Dana. We just had a gentle touch up, I mean touch down.

Dana

Well maybe they didn't want us to crash.

Dr Poo

Affirmative Dana. I suspect they just wanted to connect our dots.

Dana

What?

Dr Poo

Draw us in. These new venbenders of hamburgers, must regardening tools us as potential customers.

Dana

Well that's OK by me. I'm so hungry I could eat a jockey.

Dr Poo

Eat a jockey?

Dana

Well, I don't like eating horse, it's a bit tough. But jockey, mmm mmm. Jockey and two veg, jockey in a basket, boiled jockey on a stick...

Dr Poo

This is a hamburger planet, Dana, they won't have jockey here.

Dana

They might have jockey burgers.

Dr Poo

Alright Dana, alright. Now let's get out there and investigate this new fangmangled hangbanger planet. I mean this Fu Manchu handled fur burger bangle.

Dana

Fu Manchu who?

Dr Poo

Kazoontite my Lieber and Stoller. Now let's go.

Donald Kak-Ronald

Hello boy and girl, I'm Donald Kak-Ronald and here at Kak-Ronald's we've got it all for you.

Dana

Who's this clown?

Kevin

Well according to my script Dana, he's a big blob of jockey jam. But he'll be a boiled egg in the next big blob on toast of Dr Poo-oo!

END TITLES



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.