Kak-Ronald's (v) August 1980 Opening titles Kevin The Doctor and Dana have sampled the fare at a Kak-Ronald's burger planet and have found it lacking. Dramatic music Dana I find this fare lacking. Dr Poo Well, lucky you Dana. I don't even find it that. This Kak-Ronald's food has absolutely no substance at all. No taste. Nothing! And proper hamburgers should fall apart and dribble down your arm. Dramatic music Alright, alright. We heard you the first time. There's something strange about all this Dana. These tasteless hamburgers and the strange way that girl at the counter was acting. Dana I thought her acting was good. She could get a job in the Restless Years, no sweat. Dr Poo Shut up! And what's behind these clowns? Donald Kak-Ronald Hello sir and madam. I'm Donald Kak-Ronald your jolly hamburger clown. Are you enjoying your meal he said, your meal he said? Dana Eh? Dr Poo Look here clown, what's behind you? Donald Kak-Ronald A rubber plant, sir, he said, swiveling his head and smiling. Eeeee! Dana He's off his rocker, Doctor. Donald Kak-Ronald Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor... (Horn blowing) Dana Oo look, there's stuff coming out of his ears. Dr Poo He's a robot. Dana A rotobaton. Dr Poo A what? Dana A robot, cretin. Dr Poo Yes , he certainly was a robot cretin. The stupidest robot I've ever met. Hand me my robot dismantling screwdriver, Dana. Tah. Stick it up his big red nose, a twist to the right, a shake to the left, do the hokey pokey and you turn right around and then you pull his clown face off. (Unscrews face) Leaping lavatories. It's nothing but old meccano stuffed behind here. Dana Look out Doctor, here come the rest of the clowns! Sound of marching and horns being blown Kevin It looks like someone finally sent in the clowns. For who? Yes, who's behind the rubber plant and is there behind in the next meccano load of Dr Poo-oo! END TITLES Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews. Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording. Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.