Kak-Ronald's (v)
August 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

The Doctor and Dana have sampled the fare at a Kak-Ronald's burger planet and have found it lacking.

Dramatic music

Dana

I find this fare lacking.

Dr Poo

Well, lucky you Dana. I don't even find it that. This Kak-Ronald's food has absolutely no substance at all. No taste. Nothing! And proper hamburgers should fall apart and dribble down your arm.

Dramatic music

Alright, alright. We heard you the first time. There's something strange about all this Dana. These tasteless hamburgers and the strange way that girl at the counter was acting.

Dana

I thought her acting was good. She could get a job in the Restless Years, no sweat.

Dr Poo

Shut up! And what's behind these clowns?

Donald Kak-Ronald

Hello sir and madam. I'm Donald Kak-Ronald your jolly hamburger clown. Are you enjoying your meal he said, your meal he said?

Dana

Eh?

Dr Poo

Look here clown, what's behind you?

Donald Kak-Ronald

A rubber plant, sir, he said, swiveling his head and smiling. Eeeee!

Dana

He's off his rocker, Doctor.

Donald Kak-Ronald

Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor, Rocker doctor...

(Horn blowing)

Dana

Oo look, there's stuff coming out of his ears.

Dr Poo

He's a robot.

Dana

A rotobaton.

Dr Poo

A what?

Dana

A robot, cretin.

Dr Poo

Yes , he certainly was a robot cretin. The stupidest robot I've ever met. Hand me my robot dismantling screwdriver, Dana. Tah. Stick it up his big red nose, a twist to the right, a shake to the left, do the hokey pokey and you turn right around and then you pull his clown face off.

(Unscrews face)

Leaping lavatories. It's nothing but old meccano stuffed behind here.

Dana

Look out Doctor, here come the rest of the clowns!

Sound of marching and horns being blown

Kevin

It looks like someone finally sent in the clowns. For who? Yes, who's behind the rubber plant and is there behind in the next meccano load of Dr Poo-oo!

END TITLES



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.