Hello! Dr Poo here, for the Dr Poo Independent Party Party... Party. I see from all the VIP jets zooming through the Earth's atmosphere lately that there's a bit of an election happening down on your little home planet. And it seems to me that getting elected as one of your members would be a splendid opportunity to get my radio show into Hansard, a publication widely regarded throughout the universe as the leading authority on high-vacuum physics. Now, with Dana's help, I've knocked together a bit of a platform, and I'm going to stand on it now, yes, there we go, and deliver a baby - oh, no, the shopping - oh, no, my speech! (Ahem) Democracy is not a responsibility; it's a joke that everyone has a right to participate in. By that I mean that if elected, I shall increase subsidies for housing and chook raffles. I promise, there will be more jobs for everybody - especially invalid pensioners - and that from now on Australian currency will be tied to the back of my shirt. With regard to foreign relations; I believe that if you've got them, try and shut them up - and keep them away from their traditional smelly foods, so the neighbours don't complain about them. As for my position on the lounge, explicit photos are available for a moderate fee. Well, there are you - and don't you look nice? So, fans, vote for me, Dr Poo - pull your fingers out, and go Poo-oo!
The preceding was an unpaid political broadcast, written on
the back of a turtle and read under the bedclothes with a torch.
Transcribed by Andrew from an off-air recording made by Phil.
Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.