- Interlude -
The Khan Ages - Episode 5
December 1979

Opening titles

ANNOUNCER

It's three o'clock in Switzerland. All the banks are closed, save one, which the Khans have forced open believing it to be a pub.

The door is knocked down

BRIAN

After you, Dad.

Genghis KHAN

Have a dicko at the decor, son.

BRIAN

Yeah, they've got the barmaids behind iron bars.

Genghis KHAN

Must be a couple of right little ravers. Hey, there's someone.

A Teller

Can I help you?

Genghis KHAN

Two schooners, thanks mate.

A Teller

We do not allow ships in here.

BRIAN

I'll knock his block off. Who's he calling a ship?

Genghis KHAN

Now look, fella, we're not looking for a donnybrook.

A teller

O I'm not a donnybrook. I'm a teller.

BRIAN

Attila? Strewth, Dad, I've heard of him.

Genghis KHAN

Me too, Brian. But don't worry, he's no match for us.

A TELLER

You can call me Hans.

BRIAN

It is him, Dad - Attila the Hans! What do we do?

Genghis KHAN

Don't panic, Brian. Go and round up the hoard.

A TELLER

Would you care to withdraw?

Genghis KHAN

We've only just arrived!

A TELLER

I don't think you quite understand.

Genghis KHAN

Now listen, Attila, man to man. I've got a hoard out there, my boys; they've worked up a thirst, and if they don't get a beer soon they'll be as wild as a camel on heat.

Crowd noise as the assembled mongrels enter

Bede

There's Attila -

Mongrel 2

Let's get him -

Mongrel 3

Pass the knuckle dusters -

Mongrels

Khans forever! Ha ha!

A TELLER

(Panicking)

Take everything! Everything!

Genghis KHAN

Oh that's very kind. Right-o, boys, help yourselves!

NEVILLE

Hey Dad, this big shiny doll with the dials on it must be the fridge.

Bede

No it's not, it's a vault.

Genghis KHAN

Don't change the subject, Bede. Well come on, Neville, open it up.

NEVILLE

Give us a hand, Brian.

BRIAN

Stand back -

Vigorous safe-breaking sounds

Genghis KHAN

How about that beer?

NEVILLE

Dad! This fridge is full of shiny yellow bricks!

BRIAN

Feel like a cold gold...

Crunch!

Ow, me teeth! It's frozen solid!

Genghis KHAN

Flat, too. Never get a burp out of this lot.

BRIAN

So much for Swiss piss.

(Murmured agreement)

Closing fanfare



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Kevin from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.