- Interlude -
The Khan Ages - Episode 6
December 1979

Opening titles

ANNOUNCER

Owl slomicy heroes, the Khans, have pushed their way through Central Europe and are now barred from six different countries. Late one night they arrive at a two-bedroom, brick veneer house.

Genghis KHAN

Well, this must be Luxembourg.

Doorbells and knocks at the door

Open up, open up.

NEVILLE

Hey, Dad, it's three o'clock in the morning.

BRIAN

No wonder I'm hungry. Wouldn't mind a nice, juicy Luxemburger.

Bede

Do you ever think of anything else besides food, Brian?

BRIAN

Only at meal times.

Genghis KHAN

Hey Bede, what can you tell us about this place?

Bede

Luxembourg, with a population of forty-three and a half, is the second smallest country in the world if they all breathe in together.

NEVILLE

What happens when they breathe out?

Bede

Mass immigration.

furious knocking at the door

Genghis KHAN

Come on, come on - haven't got all night.

Creaky, rusty door opens

Ah, here we go.

OLD WOMAN

(shrieking)

Yes?

Genghis KHAN

Ah, evening madam.

Old WOMAN

Welcome to Luxembourg!

Genghis KHAN

Our mastodon appears to have broken down. I wonder could we use your carrier pigeon?

Old WOMAN

O sorry, our pigeon's been disconnected.

Genghis KHAN

Aaah.

BRIAN

I'll biff her one, Dad.

Genghis KHAN

Hang on, Brian.

Old WOMAN

But come in anyway, and sit by the fire. I'll fix you a nice supper.

Genghis KHAN

That's very kind, isn't it boys?

Loud cheers

Mongrels - ho!

Crowd cheering continues

Old WOMAN

(Screaming)

O dear! Mind the china cabinet! Greta, set another four thousand places for supper! I hope we've got enough cake forks!

Genghis KHAN

Right-o boys, make yourselves comfortable. But don't sit all down at once, we'll have to do it in shifts.

Old WOMAN

Tell me, young man -

Genghis KHAN

Genghis is the name, Genghis Khan, and these are my men, my boys.

Old WOMAN

Tell me, what do you think of our country?

Genghis KHAN

I'll just have a dicko. Boys, crouch down for a minute will you's?

(There is sudden silence)

Ah yeah, very nice.

Old WOMAN

Yeah we like it. It's comfortable. I'll show you round.

Genghis KHAN

Right-o.

Old WOMAN

Now this room here is our capital city. The hallway is the main road through to Central Luxembourg. We do have a most efficient transport system; just step onto this skateboard and we'll pop out into the suburbs, eh?

Genghis KHAN

And what's behind this door?

A door is battered down

Old WOMAN

(Horrified)

Don't go in there! O no, too late!

Announcer

Who or what is behind that door...?

Closing fanfare



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Kevin from an off-air recording made by Warren.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.