Universal Administration (v)
July 1980

Opening titles

Kevin

The Doctor has an appointment to see God but in the labyrinth of offices of the Universal Administration, he's been given the run around but he's already got one so he stood it up in the corner out of the way and continued his search.

Dr Poo

Bumbling bureaucrats. What a way to run the universe. Ten thousand cosmic pen pushers on this floor and no one knows where God is. Oh and dunnies above, if I'm not in his office in five minutes, I'll be showered with a plague of frogs.

Else

Teas up.

Dr Poo

What?

Else

I said teas up.

Dr Poo

Where?

Else

Up on the shelf. See the tea urn up there.

Dr Poo

Yes. What's it doing up there?

Else

It's a case of higher earnings. Boom boom.

(Dr Poo hits her)

Ow!

Dr Poo

Oh sorry! Do forgive me. It was just a reflex action. For a second there I thought you were my stupid beautiful assistant.

Else

I understand. I used to be a stupid beautiful assistant in my younger days. But now I'm Else, the universal tea lady. I know everybody and everybody knows me.

Dr Poo

Ah. In that case, you must know where I can find God.

Else

Never heard of him.

Dr Poo

Oh you must have. Tall chap with a beard. Runs the universe. Um, he looks a lot like Bernie Smith.

Else

Oh yes, you mean Mr white, two sugars, three iced vo vo's. He's in this office here. Hello.

God

What Else?

Else

Nothing else, just hello.

God

No, I mean, what do you want Else?

Else

I don't want anything else. But this bloke does.

God

Who Else?

Else

Nobody else. Just this bloke here.

God

Where Else?

Else

No bloody where else.

Kevin

They're certainly getting a lot of mileage out of this joke.

God

Who's that?

Else

O there is somebody else here.

Kevin

I'm Kevin the announcer. I'm here to announce the end of this episode...

God

O no you don't. I'm God. This is my office and I'm going to lean back in my swivel chair and shout Dr Poo-oo!

END TITLES



Written by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnston and Ken Matthews.
Transcribed by Phil from his own off-air recording.

Copyright is retained by the ABC, Triple J and Curtis, Kelso, Johnston & Matthews and no breach of copyright is intended by this reproduction.